I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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