just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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