I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
