I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
