that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
