He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
