I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
