i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
