Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize