I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
