I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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