Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
