I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
