like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Every concussion has its silver lining
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
