We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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