she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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