I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
