it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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