tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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