Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
