I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
