a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize