it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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