I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize