She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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