I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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