I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
