Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
