normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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