You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
