She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
