people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
