its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize