I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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