so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It was confusing and full of hummus
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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