Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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