I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
