dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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