It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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