I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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