alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
