I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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