i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
