Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
