and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
