My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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