My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
