ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
