Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
