Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.

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(813): View more from Florida

Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?

(203): View more from Connecticut

everyone's regretting their thursdays.

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(310): View more from California

Obama is so hot when he ends wars.

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(218): View more from Minnesota

If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.

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(646): View more from New York

He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I was the one passing out cake at the bars

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(613): View more from Ontario

on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window

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(815): View more from Illinois

All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.

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