I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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