I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
