Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
