I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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