Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize