Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
