This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
