I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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