My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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