just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize