Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

Fav 14 1007 3407
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.

Fav 12 1468 5016
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(703): View more from Virginia

I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.

Fav 45 2243 5241
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(203): View more from Connecticut

There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...

Fav 14 4559 1661
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(651): View more from Minnesota

i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.

Fav 5 3160 1126
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(281): View more from Texas

Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.

Fav 5 1165 1881
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(931): View more from Tennessee

My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.

Fav 7 1645 943
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast

Fav 2 19 43
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(813): View more from Florida

It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.

Fav 0 110 3
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