I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
