Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
