Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
