Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
