I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
