He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
