just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
