I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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